Hello Timothy just read your project and it's looking good. I chose to do this story too and it's always interesting to see how other's use the story for their project's arguement. I think what you did was smart with your project where you seperate the project into seperate pages. It made very enjoyable to read. I think you also did a good job in stating what your arguement is clearly. Nice job on the quotes too they went well with your arguement. On page 3 where you discuss the other topics you will be adding will be help make the project much stronger than it already is. Especially because all of the topics you mention adding have an abundance of quotes from the story that will perfectly represent them. The only things I think you might want to check out is some fixes on grammer. Which is a minor fix. Maybe even re-word some sentences such as on pg.2 with the explanation coming after the first quote you use. Overall nice job on the project just a few minor things to fix and your project so far seems solid. I hope this comment helps you out.
Hi Timothy I too chose this topic to write about (though, not the same story), and I found it difficult to make an arguable statement answering the questions in the prompt. I think it was the arguable part that was hard for me because I just wanted to write about how the story was influenced, rather than think of a point that could be arguable. Did you find that you had the same challenge? I liked the insight you gave in your first point; showing that the class system in that time provided a way for those in the higher class to misuse power and abuse those in the lower class. You gave great textual evidence. One constructive piece of criticism I could give is just to think about changing the lay-out of your paper. It may make it easier to read if the project was all on one page and broken up into multiple paragraphs. Overall, you did a great job on the first project! I enjoyed reading it.
Hey there, Timothy. I thought it was very interesting how you formatted your project. I never thought to make each page separate yet keep it for the same project, but I think I liked it that way because it kept me engaged and each idea or topical is separated so I could keep my mind on track. I enjoyed that you pretty much laid out every single thing that you were going to talk about in the first paragraph because it got me ready for when we were about to be discussing and what I was about to be thinking about. I think you had a great contextual evidence and you did a great job incorporating the literature and quotes from it, and the only thing that I would really change about your project would be that I wish you wrote more and stayed more specific to the topics you had originally introduced. Like you could have had one page on gender, one page on class, one page on power, and when page on belief split into the only thing that I would really change about your project would be that I wish you wrote more and stayed more specific to the topics you had originally introduced. Like you could have had one page on gender, one page on class, one page on power, and one age on beliefs playing into the cultural power. Overall, you did a great job and I can’t wait to read more!
Great job on your project. I see that you have a lot of strong points and arguments and for the most part, I can see a theme going on. What I did notice though, was that your first paragraph you kept saying what you were going to do and I think instead of announcing it you should find a better way to word it and just do it. Also, you go more into a background of the story in your intro paragraph rather than building towards your thesis. Which brings me to also comment on the fact that I did not see a thesis or argument at the end of your intro. I noticed that in each of the following paragraphs you did state what you were going to be arguing, but they were not really flowing from your intro. They were more independent. But I think that if you structure the intro a little better by cutting out some of the unnecessary background info, and add more about what your argument is going to be, you can change around the structure of the following paragraphs just a little to flow nicer. I think you have the overall idea right, it's just more about structure. Great job!
I was very pleased to see that you had chosen to write on "The Song of Ch'un-hyang" as it is, what I believe, to be one of the most interesting pieces of literature we have read so far. Your project has a very good start to it. I like how this starts by really going deep a draws toward overall larger universal themes such as race, women's rights, etc. What would you think about ending your paragraph with this idea and making it your overall theme? You do such an amazing job drawing ideas from the literature back to this idea of inequality. Another thing that was very strong about this project is you clearly broke down each point into it's own section followed by supporting ideas and quotes. It helps really engage the reader in what your points are. Excellent job Timothy on your project revisions and I look forward to seeing what else you will write!
Your submission was really well structured and you had a clear point you wanted to prove. The story of Ch'Un-Hyang and how she was so loyal. She didn't let none of the things you listed in your introduction about race,gender,etc to stop her from loving her man Master Yi. Something to change though is making you claim clear in the end of your introduction so you can help your readers further understand what you are arguing. And other than adding some more analysis, you have amazing quotes you should add even more explaining you could do without being repetitive. This was a great submission because you actually showed great understanding of the story and it was great that you gave the readers insight before just hopping straight into your project. Keep the good work up and continue with the strongly structured essays just do everything in the comments everyone saying and your next submission will be perfect.
Hey Timothy! Nice work on writing out what your thesis was in the beginning paragraph of your project submission. It made your argument clear from the start and made it easy to follow along. I also agreed with your thesis. I believe the Eastern culture had negative flaws like men being superior to women. I also liked how before you went into your argument, you gave your readers a brief background on history and what it was like at the time. It made it easier to understand the whole theme and message you were trying to convey and set across for your readers. You showed a great understanding of Ch'un Hyang. Next time, you can work a little more on the grammatical errors. I saw some typos and misused capitalization words and commas. Other than the grammar errors, you did a great job and I look forward to reading your next project submission. Nice work, Timothy! Good luck.
Your analysis in your project was very strong, Timothy. You did a good job especially when you spoke about class and power in their culture. The example you provided from the story about how refusing to obey the governor is a capital offense did a good job of proving your point about how there was a misuse of power from those in the higher class. The transition from that point to the next was very smooth as the two subjects were tied together very closely. When you began your paragraph about gender, I would suggest rewording the following: "I kind of spoke about it before a little bit." If your paper wasn't written as strongly as it was, this is the kind of thing that would have made me question your project. You clearly know what you're talking about, so I feel like you could have simply removed any mention of "kind of" and "a little bit" and continued on with your analysis. Other than that, the content of your project was very strong all throughout.
Hi Timothy, your revised project was magnificent and I really enjoyed reading it. I liked how in your first paragraph you clearly state would you will be addressing, and from what I read you are discussing the Song of ChunHyang and its reflection of class, gender, and power. Throughout your paragraphs you have a lot of really great evidence and I liked how you mentioned the mom's response to her daughters beating.One thing that you could improve on is minor spelling/ sentence structure, for example in your second paragraph the first sentence needs a bit of rewording. I also feel liked you could definitely expand your gender paragraph a bit more and there are some very good quotations or examples you could include. I liked how each paragraph is very focused and you have some really good transitions, making it flow smoothly which is amazing. Overall your project was clear and concise, and your readers know what you are discussing. Great job.
Hello Timothy just read your project and it's looking good. I chose to do this story too and it's always interesting to see how other's use the story for their project's arguement. I think what you did was smart with your project where you seperate the project into seperate pages. It made very enjoyable to read. I think you also did a good job in stating what your arguement is clearly. Nice job on the quotes too they went well with your arguement. On page 3 where you discuss the other topics you will be adding will be help make the project much stronger than it already is. Especially because all of the topics you mention adding have an abundance of quotes from the story that will perfectly represent them. The only things I think you might want to check out is some fixes on grammer. Which is a minor fix. Maybe even re-word some sentences such as on pg.2 with the explanation coming after the first quote you use. Overall nice job on the project just a few minor things to fix and your project so far seems solid. I hope this comment helps you out.
ReplyDeleteHi Timothy
ReplyDeleteI too chose this topic to write about (though, not the same story), and I found it difficult to make an arguable statement answering the questions in the prompt. I think it was the arguable part that was hard for me because I just wanted to write about how the story was influenced, rather than think of a point that could be arguable. Did you find that you had the same challenge? I liked the insight you gave in your first point; showing that the class system in that time provided a way for those in the higher class to misuse power and abuse those in the lower class. You gave great textual evidence. One constructive piece of criticism I could give is just to think about changing the lay-out of your paper. It may make it easier to read if the project was all on one page and broken up into multiple paragraphs. Overall, you did a great job on the first project! I enjoyed reading it.
Hey there, Timothy. I thought it was very interesting how you formatted your project. I never thought to make each page separate yet keep it for the same project, but I think I liked it that way because it kept me engaged and each idea or topical is separated so I could keep my mind on track. I enjoyed that you pretty much laid out every single thing that you were going to talk about in the first paragraph because it got me ready for when we were about to be discussing and what I was about to be thinking about. I think you had a great contextual evidence and you did a great job incorporating the literature and quotes from it, and the only thing that I would really change about your project would be that I wish you wrote more and stayed more specific to the topics you had originally introduced. Like you could have had one page on gender, one page on class, one page on power, and when page on belief split into the only thing that I would really change about your project would be that I wish you wrote more and stayed more specific to the topics you had originally introduced. Like you could have had one page on gender, one page on class, one page on power, and one age on beliefs playing into the cultural power. Overall, you did a great job and I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Timothy,
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your project. I see that you have a lot of strong points and arguments and for the most part, I can see a theme going on. What I did notice though, was that your first paragraph you kept saying what you were going to do and I think instead of announcing it you should find a better way to word it and just do it. Also, you go more into a background of the story in your intro paragraph rather than building towards your thesis. Which brings me to also comment on the fact that I did not see a thesis or argument at the end of your intro. I noticed that in each of the following paragraphs you did state what you were going to be arguing, but they were not really flowing from your intro. They were more independent. But I think that if you structure the intro a little better by cutting out some of the unnecessary background info, and add more about what your argument is going to be, you can change around the structure of the following paragraphs just a little to flow nicer. I think you have the overall idea right, it's just more about structure. Great job!
Hello there Timothy!
ReplyDeleteI was very pleased to see that you had chosen to write on "The Song of Ch'un-hyang" as it is, what I believe, to be one of the most interesting pieces of literature we have read so far. Your project has a very good start to it. I like how this starts by really going deep a draws toward overall larger universal themes such as race, women's rights, etc. What would you think about ending your paragraph with this idea and making it your overall theme? You do such an amazing job drawing ideas from the literature back to this idea of inequality. Another thing that was very strong about this project is you clearly broke down each point into it's own section followed by supporting ideas and quotes. It helps really engage the reader in what your points are. Excellent job Timothy on your project revisions and I look forward to seeing what else you will write!
Hey Timothy ,
ReplyDeleteYour submission was really well structured and you had a clear point you wanted to prove. The story of Ch'Un-Hyang and how she was so loyal. She didn't let none of the things you listed in your introduction about race,gender,etc to stop her from loving her man Master Yi. Something to change though is making you claim clear in the end of your introduction so you can help your readers further understand what you are arguing. And other than adding some more analysis, you have amazing quotes you should add even more explaining you could do without being repetitive. This was a great submission because you actually showed great understanding of the story and it was great that you gave the readers insight before just hopping straight into your project. Keep the good work up and continue with the strongly structured essays just do everything in the comments everyone saying and your next submission will be perfect.
Hey Timothy! Nice work on writing out what your thesis was in the beginning paragraph of your project submission. It made your argument clear from the start and made it easy to follow along. I also agreed with your thesis. I believe the Eastern culture had negative flaws like men being superior to women. I also liked how before you went into your argument, you gave your readers a brief background on history and what it was like at the time. It made it easier to understand the whole theme and message you were trying to convey and set across for your readers. You showed a great understanding of Ch'un Hyang. Next time, you can work a little more on the grammatical errors. I saw some typos and misused capitalization words and commas. Other than the grammar errors, you did a great job and I look forward to reading your next project submission. Nice work, Timothy! Good luck.
ReplyDeleteYour analysis in your project was very strong, Timothy. You did a good job especially when you spoke about class and power in their culture. The example you provided from the story about how refusing to obey the governor is a capital offense did a good job of proving your point about how there was a misuse of power from those in the higher class. The transition from that point to the next was very smooth as the two subjects were tied together very closely. When you began your paragraph about gender, I would suggest rewording the following: "I kind of spoke about it before a little bit." If your paper wasn't written as strongly as it was, this is the kind of thing that would have made me question your project. You clearly know what you're talking about, so I feel like you could have simply removed any mention of "kind of" and "a little bit" and continued on with your analysis. Other than that, the content of your project was very strong all throughout.
ReplyDeleteHi Timothy, your revised project was magnificent and I really enjoyed reading it. I liked how in your first paragraph you clearly state would you will be addressing, and from what I read you are discussing the Song of ChunHyang and its reflection of class, gender, and power. Throughout your paragraphs you have a lot of really great evidence and I liked how you mentioned the mom's response to her daughters beating.One thing that you could improve on is minor spelling/ sentence structure, for example in your second paragraph the first sentence needs a bit of rewording. I also feel liked you could definitely expand your gender paragraph a bit more and there are some very good quotations or examples you could include. I liked how each paragraph is very focused and you have some really good transitions, making it flow smoothly which is amazing. Overall your project was clear and concise, and your readers know what you are discussing. Great job.
ReplyDelete